Not Something You’d Usually Say

“Hurry up! Your dinner’s getting warm!”

I yelled to my husband, after preparing a batch of zaru soba (cold buckwheat noodles) last night.

Laughter is the Best Medicine
But What Exactly Does It Cure?

I live in an impacted environment.
My neighbour’s pushy, my life’s a drill.
I wonder what I can extract from this experience.
There is a void that needs to be filled.

PS: This wisdom is hurting me.

Escalator, Not Elevator

Something funny (somewhat related to an upcoming post) for Friday. :)

Be Careful What You Wish For!
Of Losing Weight and Wishing Well

Dear Secret Law of the Universe,

When I weighed myself this morning I found that I’m nearly 3 pounds more what I weighed in January. What happened? Was it the mindless snacking? Not enough of exercise? Water retention? All the above? I was mildly shocked but instead of planning to exercise more I decided that the best method to lose that extra weight was… to wish for the extra pounds to melt away. Not only that, I asked the powers of the secret law of the universe to reduce my weight by tonight.

At about 6pm, I had a funny feeling in my stomach and at 8pm I started having a bout of explosive diarrhoea that lasted for nearly 3 hours.

While groaning in pain in the the bathroom, I actually made time to appreciate your wicked sense of humour. Yes, I asked for this, yes, you granted my wish, and yes, you did it before the end of the day. When I weighed myself again just before the stroke of midnight, I was indeed 3 pounds lesser than I was in the morning. Very well done.

If you don’t mind, please automatically include the following addendum to all the wishes I’ve made and will make in the future:

1. No one is hurt — physically, mentally, spiritually or any other means possible– in the process of granting the wishes (and that includes me!);
2. The wishes are granted through means that are legally-, morally-, environmentally-, ethically-correct;

In return, I will do my best to:

1. remember to be grateful for all the wishes granted (lest I forget, I’d appreciate it if I’m reminded gently) and
2. have patience for the wishes that will be granted — I’m sure you’ve not forgotten my Macbook Air wish in January ;)

For that, I’d like to thank you for today’s lesson: be careful what you wish for — it might get your bum burned.

Gratefully yours.

Tomorrow, I’m going for a 2km run! :)

Idol Conversation

Me: “Ma, I’m going off now, is there anything you want me to get?”

Mum: “They shouldn’t have done it!”

Me: “Done what?”

Mum: “Boot Michael out last week. It was Idols Give Back week!”

Me: “Michael? Who? No, no, I asked if you wanted anything from the store. Milk? Bread?”

Mum: “Ryan shouldn’t have implied that there would be no elimination this week…”

Me: “Erm, okay… I’m going now.. bye!”

Ants in My Pants

I was out all day today.

In the morning, while waiting for a cab at a very crowded area, I felt a tingling sensation running up my legs. After awhile I realised I had my feet just an inch away from a mound of large, red ants and, predictably, a few had crawled up my feet! I started stamping about like a mad person in the middle of the crowd. Amazingly, I managed to shake every last one of the angry looking ants without getting a single bite! I did however, squash one particularly big one to its death. I’m so sorry ant, it was a reflex reaction.

The rest of the day went by quite uneventfully until the time I had to go home. I was happily hippity-hoppity-hopping way down a long stairway when I decided to skip a few steps. This proved to be a good move as I would have plunged my feet straight into a colony of big-headed ants otherwise. What are the odds of my narrowly missing stepping on an ants’ nest twice in a day!? Counting my blessings, I continued walking down the flight of stairs with trepidation.

A few minutes later, I was waiting for the traffic light to turn green when I thought I felt something crawling on my feet again. Obviously after two encounters with different groups of ants, I was extra sensitive today but what I wasn’t prepared for was the fact that I had my feet, once again dotted with ants — this time fast-moving orange (red? yellow? crazy?) ants. And once again I had to do my crazy dance to get rid of all of them. After moving away a safe distance, I noticed that I was standing just a mere inch away from a very bustling ant highway, 3 inches wide. An inch away! Again! The third time today! Thankfully, I didn’t get bitten at all! Phew!

Too much ant drama for one day.